I can't figure it out yet just how to make it perfect for you.

"I promise to study tonight!"
OMG. I lied again. HAHAHA. Big fat liar, Jolene. I bet evil twinnie is thinking the same too. Right darling? But anyway, we made a deal to study tomorrow after tutorial. Hahaha, I really hope she puts me on a leash. I reckon I'd wander off within 15 minutes. That's what all my other friends bet, I can't sit still and study. Hahaha, I rmb Su actually typed me this message of encouragement last year while studying Biz Stats Main; "Dearest Hunny Bunny! You have made it through more than 15 mins! You're the best and good luck! You're phone rocks my stinky socks!" Something like that? Very funny. Hahaha. I really miss her a lot. :( Hmmmmm, when can we be in the same class again! Miss being w you real much. Sighhh. AHHH I NEED YOU, SU-HANNA QUEK GEOK HEE. Hee, I know you hate your chinese name, ah geok love. heee. But I hope you are really okay, you seem very upset. Cheers to my hunny bunny :) You are always loved by your hunny bunny here. They don't want you, I WANT! Remember alright. I'm feeling a lot better this days. Hmmm, yeah. People who makes me day and all. Thanks sooo much. 'Cause everyday's getting harder. Sighhhhhh, the burden over my head, HEAVY. Hey I heard this end of semester there are only 2 Main papers? LIKE OMFG! BEAMS BEAMS. But. I've got 5 papers to battle now? I'm not starting yet? Oh, bother. Whatever. Ah well, I think I shall upload some pictures and stop here.

While waiting for the maincomm for dinner after band, Yesterdayyyy:
"My lovely Huaaa(:"
"Olivia! My 2nd A.Sax Buddy, LOVELOVE! She decided to go insane with me. Heee."
"Heh, she looks really adorable here! Sweeeet."
"Call me crazy, I think Cynthia's clarinet case is so damn cute! HAHAH. BROWN AND SQUARE!"
"Olivia and my love. HAHA."
"Huaaaaaa, don't be sad! I still love you till the gazillion infinity. Wait, is there such a thing???"
"OLIVIA TAN CHENG CHUAN! Right????"
"Two silly little girls. Peeping through this hole."
"Took this in the library after I woke up. HA, ya damn retarted. I fell asleep in the library while reading a novel. Erm, prolly too tired. And guess who woke me up??? ................ SHERRY WONG KAIXIN!!!! AHHHH! Surprise, surprise! And Agnes and Sihui came!!!! I swear I haven't seen Agnes for 2 years. HAHA, OMFG, tomboyyyy! You're so pretty now! HEHE, and Sihui! you're forever so adorable. And don't forget you're pretty too kays! Hahaha. Pleasant surprise! (:"

Lastly, a song lyric!

Michael Tolcher - Bad Habits
I get all my bad habits watchin' you
It's true
Well, I wish that things were so different
Change it myself
It's what i'll do

But, I can't figure it out, yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But, I'm closer than I was
Yesterday

Yeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday

They say that life is for learning
Well, teach to me to live
While I'm here
Messages twisted and turning
What should I give
Make it clear

'Cause I can't figure it out, yeah
I can't figure it out, yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But, I'm closer than I was
Yesterday

Yeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday

Don't you know there's no difference
I'm not the same
I'm only here
To be with you
And now I'm closing the distance
Dropping the claim
Trading the past for something new
Something new

Why would you work without living
Spending your soul
What's it worth?
Well, I hope you make it to heaven
Waiting for life
Here on earth

'Cause I can't figure it out, yet
I can't figure it out, yet
No, I can't figure it out, yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But, I'm closer than I was
Closer than I was
Yeah, I'm closer than I was
Yesterday
Yeah, I'm closer than I was
Yesterday

Bye and goodnight. (:

I hope you believe in Karma, 'cause the bad one is on it's way. (:

stupid girl.

It's over, it's over. Lalala. (sings to myself) What a stupid girl I've been. Finally snapped out of my stupidity, FINALLYYYY!!! I AM WIDE A W A K E. Seriously. Oh well... Relieved and all rejuvinated. Then is gone! Today is here! YAY. Oh how foolish I have beeeeen. Stupid girl. All this while, I've wasted so much time. Hmmmm. Whatever, I f. care now. &Can't wait for my holidays. Whoooopeee. H O L I D A Y, H O L I D AY! WOOOO. BEACH! SHOP! EAT! DROP!!! (Minus work.) Anyhooooooooooooooooooo,
YAY!!!!
Ha, you made me smile silly.

Gone.

I MISSED,
Year ONE!
My polyclique.
Cyling, eating and everything we did.
Pisangs, celebrating Cai's 19th, chalets, x'mas dinner, vday, overnights...
Every single event and occasion we're together.
The old TP band.
The old band cliques.
The old saxophone section.
Having dinner before band and going into band late at 6.45pm.
All the time spent before or after band, be it playing pool, bowling, bubble-tea, talk cock, makan, Parkway-ing...
All the events we performed....
Their never ending jokes and laughters....
Memories and moments....
They're lost FOREVER...
I've lost them... &I've lost you too..
You're going away, far away from here.. For a long time.
I'll make you.
Sigh....
In life, you just have to lose to gain.
I tried so hard this life, I fell on my knees, bruised and tears running down my face..
I'm breaking into pieces.
No wait, I AM ALREADY BROKEN.

OKAY, enough for being so emotionally unstable.
I hate myself, seriously.
Kill me. Kill me. Just KILL ME.
Everyday I seem to escape death?
Hmmmmm.
Ya, I still hate myself.

Here is gone.

Stress. Stress. STRESS.
WHY?
I've been neglecting my studies.
I'm doing very badly for all modules, I reckon.
I'm not helping myself, obviously.
It's raining projects, AGAIN.
God damn it, and the Mid-sems are here again. 2 weeks from today.
And wth. I'm still in my own world and don't even know what is going on.
Why? Time, it's passing too quickly.
I barely caught a glimpse of May and wth, today's alr the what?
22May. Thanks, huh.
Work's taking up all the spare time, I barely even have time for myself.
Talk about my studies? Forget it.
It's all about the kids, kids, kids. : (
But if I do not work, I'll be in serious trouble.
Whatever, I'm still cash-strapped.
BUT, I'M ALREADY SO TIRED.
SO LETHARGIC. And my eye bags are getting bigger and saggier every morning.
Poopy-puffy-fishy-saggy eyes.
Grumble, grumble, grumble.
For crying out loud........
HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Desprately seeking for redemption.
And a clearer mind.
It's cluttered.
Any takers?
Anyw. Darling, are you really moving on? (:
Gosh, my heart still skips a beat. .....
OH MY GOD.
Dear car, please run over me later.
Or dear stray bullet, please shoot me down.
Or dear kid, running with a scissor, I don't effing care how dangerous you are.
STAB ME.
Ok, just kidding..
I digress.

Band, school, kids = Jolene's life.
SAD.

Life's a big bad bastard, don't you agree, sweets.
What happens next....?

Gray sky morning.

Today we are a happy bunch of bananas. I really hope we were. After all the mishaps that happened, I hope that we will cling to each other even more.. We always say that we're unbreakable. Just look at us now? Nvm, I digress the unhappy stuff. I guess it's over???? Hmmmmmm.. On a happier note. Finally all of us(well not all, least there is 9 out of 11 of us) sat down on a table and ate together like we use to every pisang dinner. I enjoyed the nonsense, laughters and games we crap out lahh. Every single dinner and outing is so significant. From our first outing at Marina South till today, I remembered every single one of them. All my life, camp groups disperse every other camps, but that did not happen to pisangs. The bond is what make us so special. Disputes and fights are so unworthy of us.. I think it's really unfair to just fall apart because of this. How could we destroy what we have built?!?! Don't you pity our bond? I think it's sooooo damn unfair!! I don't want any other outsider to say we're breaking apart ever again! I pray that each and every one of you to be okay. I look forward everyday to see all the 10 bananas who gave me another life in school. Don't just kill this little motivation I have in my heart. I don't want all of us to be just friends, I want us to all be as one PISANGS! Pleaseeeee. Happier Pisangs?? Love you all, TK, Kannan, Joyce, Lou, Jo-an, Jiamin, Sam, Cai, Jon ang Long! Anyw, I wish you guys and also the other friends, all the best for the upcoming elections. (: Your sister here will support you whole-heartedly. LOVE.

Digressssss.

Still reluctant to sleep though, so let me continue with my dailies. Hmmmmmms. Friday w EVIL TWINNIE in the morn till late afternoons searching for our dumb stocks! Arab st. was quite an experience. Really a whole st. selling fabrics and magic carpets. Lol. Still there were our stuff. I like your yellow shades :D When to take my pay at the damn freaking place, Oosh with SHERRY BABE(Thanks a gazillion!!!!! What would I do w/o YOU?!?!). And they took years to process my pathetic check. I almost cried when they say I couldn't take it luh! Wah lao. Lucky the accountant offered to bank in for me. Or else I'll slam that damn freaking place to MOM. Worker abuse! :X Then back to TP w Sherry and I was LATE for band. Haissss, nt like I wanted to. Unfruitful sectionals :/ Blahhhhhhhhh, don't bother. AND DINNER. With the rain... Boooo.. Hahahahas The funniest thing that happened was on our way to dinner, walking beside an open field. I swear that was the scariest thing ever experienced. We almost got killed!!! Ahahaha, okay, not so exaggerating yet, but we saw lotsa lightning! And the thunder was booming at our ears. Fearful us, quickly made a dash for shelter. Lol. Or else we're BURNT. Bahhh. Ohhh ya, I forgot to tell you guys, that I found a bug in my fried vermicelli. Yes, A BUG. That looks like a cockroach, but it's not a cockroach, it was a bug that looks like a cockroach and they all say it wasn't a cockroach but a cockroach that looks like a beetle, bug.. But the bug really looked like a burnt cockroach that doesn't look like a beetle. Beetle are not so small and long.. dot dot dot. HEEEE. Anyw, the woman apologised and gave me a full refund. Well, that's good customer service, but I already ate half of my food that had a beetle in it!

Okay. Forget it, I'M OKAY. Maybe not. After effects of eating fried vermicelli w beetle. HAHHA.. But hey, least it's better than the cai peng store at Bedok inter. They sold me sour curry!!! And they didn't dare to try the sour curry. And they pushed the blame against each other, that they didn't cook the curry. And they only wanted to return me a dollar for a lousy plate of rice which I only ate about 2 mouthful and costing me $2.50! It's not like I'm being kian peng or what, but that isn't the right way to treat you customers. I was sooooo pissed and quite VERY reluctant to accept the dollar. And I told auntie:"Auntie.. I only took a few mouths and your curry is sour and you only want to return me $1???" She was so pissed with me, she asked me to throw that plate of rice I bought earlier on. She then slapped another bowl of rice on a new plate, and asked me to re-choose my dishes, which she happen to also slapped it on to my rice. I could spell the word 'annoyed' on her face. GOSH! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO HER CUSTOMERS WHEN SHE IS IN THE WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!? I almost yelled at her, but gracious me(: decided to go back with my lousy plate of rice. And you know what cheeeena woman, it still SUCKS. You're lucky china women, that I didn't sue your damn fucking store! I shall call MOH, ONE DAY. Sue till all your hair and pants and money drop! :Z Hmmps. Yucky women. Don't eat there okay. It's really really bad. BLACK LISTED. >:( Hahaha, sorry side-tracked. Mmmmm, after dinner, Seehua kept wanting to drink. I think she's half-awake as well. HAHAHAS. Promise to drink w you okayy? DON'T, don't, don't... Please don't be so emo! Jol's still here! : ) Omg, I talked so much. I, really digress. Picture talking now kays? (:



The Usual Threesome Stoners after class(:
"unglamourousque."
"AHHHHH, Mommmmiee! Monsters are trying to kiss me!!"
"CHU~"
"Evil twins mugging!? No.... They're filling up survey forms! Good children!"

"Everything's so blurrry."


"The prettier photos."
"EVIL TWINNIES!"
"Nice yellllowww shadies!"

"MEEEKS. Walking down the st."
"HELLU SHERRY BABES!"
"Nice backgrnd. In a moving bus though. Bahahaha!"Life with Bobbie(Randoms, hah.)
"Shuai bah! Killer puppy eyes!!"
"Poooooofff. Lazy doggie only wants to SLEEP!"
Was reading the text and he thought it was a pillow. Hahahaha. He still looks like a little curious puppy. Like it when he is this way, so quiet and enjoyable to look at. You wouldn't want to see the other side of him! HAHA, but no doubt he looks really adorable in this picture. Awwwww(:
"ZZZZZZZ already?!?! MY TEXTBOOK, BOBBIE!"
"SCRATCHING!"Hahahaha. Woke up for a scratch! So we snapped a picture together! He just can't keep still, that's why I couldn't take a pretty picture. But here's funny shot of us! Hahahahas. Bobbie, what would we do without you! YOU NAUGHTY DOG! LOVE~
Suddenly thought of my tutorials, assignments and project. And SIGH real loud. SIGHHHHH!! Oh well, bed time? Heh. Good night all!
Wishing to wake into gray sky mornings and pouring rain.

whyyyy...?

我怎么还在记忆里徘徊　一个我最爱的人已不在。

I'm getting so emotional... I almost burst into tears when I read some of the emails written in to all of us. They really struck me hard. An impact I've never felt before. I was on the verge of tears upon reading those words.... Come to think back now.. we used to enjoyed every single moment we spent together, and when we were all carefree just for that short period of time. No matter how short-lived it was, you were all there. All of you made this feelin SPECIAL. Now it's fadin away.. How can we save it now with all the upcoming obstacles. It's hard to predict and I don't wna imagine what will happen to us. Why do we end ourselves in such a sad state, my lovelies... Why?

Sometimes, it's not good to know everything. They can kill. Jealousy can kill. I wish I didn't even stop myself from getting run over by that damn effing car. Kill me for all I care. I rather forget. I rather forget the world. I rather they didn't exist. They carved memories and made my head bleed. I can't get them off my head 'cause I know I'll never stop thinking. WHY DID I STOP THEN?!

Pisangs, my closest band friends, my besties and my family are the reason why I am alive today. But the world never seems to stop taking them away from me.. They're fading into gray gradually.. The world can never understand... Why don't you take away my life.... This emotionally unstable, emo-wrecked and damaged human being is all yours. I'm banging my walls...... Smile.

Seehua, I promise. Thanks for being there... I really want to kill the monsters around us.. Love...

pretty things on earth.

Happy Mother's Day..

hmmm.

Favourite line.

Pie's right. She and I think that we have nothing to look forward alr, and I feel so damn wasted everyday. Big sigh. What happens next? I told huaa how saddistic I used to be back then. Hmmmm, but I'm better this days, I swear! Hahaha. She knows. I hope you're nt affected by what I've said. Sometimes I freak myself out. I seriously think I'm that foolish as well, huh Seehua? : p

Friday, 1/2 of 2r01 stayed back to finish the colour wheel. Hahaha, major success, and I think it's real pretty(: AWW. Wna see?

Indeed... It is a colourFULL wheel. RAINBOW COLOURS! HEHE. Hope the effort doesn't go to waste! Thank you guys. You all are Y! :) AND. Thank God for the wonderful people I've meet in this class. Phewww. One year, people. And damn TP again, 'cause we're going to change classes again. Bahhhh.

Completed the whole shit around 5 plus and to BAND. As usual, I can't shut up. And to DINNER. That's what I look forward most. HEHE. I realise I'm emo all year round and I've spread my disease to most of my buddies around me. LOL, no wonder lately everyone's emo. HAHA, crap paragraph. Ignore. Anyway, tomorrow's another day w the kids( : Hmmmmmm. Today's really a good day, though I was alone. I spend today all by myself. Booo!
Tatas, lovelies.

Lastly,
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOMMIE. &I LOVE YOU! (:

From your fugly&flabby daughter,

RANDOM.

how to live w it?

I know, long time no update. Well, I'm extremely tired and really very sick of living. I don't know how many times at night, I tell myself before I go to bed, 'tomorrow's going to be a better day' and all I get in return is shit. I hate myself really. Felt like I haven't been sleeping well lately. Everyday I get to sleep like less than 6 hours and I can't stay up on fri and sat nights why? 'Cause I've got to work the next morning. Arg, and I love to complain. Sigh luhhh. As promised, I'm going to post some pictures.

@ PISANG CHALET. They're just the greatest group of people I'm so glad to have.
"It was darling Lou's birthday! But I wasn't there to celebrate. Her birthday Strawberry Strudel! Yhuuuum!"

"I remember this. Spent the night singing to the tunes and and cam-whoring after SL tea party! LOL, she's one of my favvvv sister in the PISANG CLAN!"


"Stargazing..."
"Jols, Mickeyy and Lousie!"


"Strolling at East Coast Park..."

"Hmmmm, still don't get it.. Boys just LOVE to 'taupok' each other. How adorable(: In the pictures above, you can see Veggie being squash by the fit big young pisang brothers. Poor old veggie. kekeke.."

These are the SLs for RMT (: They're really a great bunch of people, esp the other SLs from the other Diploma. Thanks for being such a great sport. Serene, Jacq, Karen, Angel, Jas, Yangs, Gugu, Fabian, Boon and Darren.Y
"Two of my besties in TP, Su-hanna and Lixian. Toilet cam-whores."
"Constipated."School reopened not long ago, and I'm glad to see all my lovely classmates again. .... No, ex-classmaties. : ( Sigh, feeling more lonely than ever.. 'cause my clique's not always there for me. I really miss their presence greatly even though we still meet up for lunch. But like how often do we even do it? Everything's different now. Just me, I'm fading into grey. But oh well, thanks Shimin for being there. If not... I'll become the real loser. Only you get what I mean! Heh.
"Ice-cream! The kids love it, eh?"
"My Selmer. (: Minus the barcode."
So yeahh, we had Art Festival like Wednesday(week 1)? Saxophone section's forever doing weird stuff, sitting outside the bandroom 'cause no food allowed, eating ice-cream and stupidly blocking the people's passage way. Beams. And we love taking pictures together. Feel the saxophone love(: Ohh ya, not forgetting the saxies' love, Matty! Lol. The entire event went well and everyone was happy. Oh ya, 140 people signed up at the booth. Overwhelming responses. Very. Lol.
Friday was 'movie' day for the band people. Lol, well.. just watching our annual concert in one of the biz LT, chowing down on junk food. Oh, and I remembered, I was sick that week. Running a temperature and I missed lecture on that friday. But was there in the evening, cladded in my jacket. Oh, and I don't look sick anymore! 'Cause band people makes Jol a happier girl. Heh. There, Eden, Hanna Pieeee and yours' truely.


Met up with the old schoolmaties on Wednesday(: Olivia and Huanying. Me all-time favourite crazy buddies! Kekeke. Smack right at the heartlands of Hougang, eating sinful fast food. And big joke, shopping in Hougang mall. Kekekeke. Looking forward to see both of you guys. SOON! Wednesdayy yippee!


OKAY, today was the best day of the week. I actually get to enjoy my time after work with the band lovelies! YUP, Seehua darling, Yile, Xueping, Matt, Jerome, Mark, Webster and I went down to Settlers to chill today. Raphael and Kenny were the game instructors and food and beverage servers! Thanks to you guys! I really enjoyed myself. Like after so long I can relax myself. Yay. That's the last picture of Seehua, my DARLINNNN and me(:

Actually I've got A LOT to say. It's all stuck in my head. Just trying to keep all these to myself. But I think I'm on the verge.... I fear very much that something's going to repeat itself again. Just praying hard that everything goes well for me. And I pray everyone to be okay.... Sigh. I need a brainwash. And I need a large dosage of anesthetics to numb.

You always wanted someone to tell you it's okay.....